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It should be a simple matter, I think. Go to the doctor and get a prescription. And it is. Though I have no idea — except in the most general sense — of what it says, I have a piece of paper that I will exchange for drugs at my neighborhood pharmacy.

But no, I don’t need to wait, do I? Why not drop the ’scrip off and have it filled while they do the blood tests. I have insurance — it won’t cost me any more or less if I go here or hit Von’s on my way home.

At first, I don’t recognize the problem as a problem. This may be due to my language barrier: I speak English quite fluently, but have some difficulty with insurance jargon. The last sentence that I managed to translate successfully was something like, “Sure, we can try to lower your rates, but you’ll have to go through the underwriting process again. Who knows what will happen?” I knew, actually, and figured a slightly higher rate was better than a significantly higher rate. That is another battle and another story. In this case, I am trying to breathe and sleep. Not necessarily in that order.

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I have suddenly lost my nerve. I used to be one of the fearless ones. Never thought I was immortal, nothing like that. But I wasn’t afraid. I trust in physics and mechanics. Once I did like one hundred in the pouring rain. Didn’t even think twice. Just me and my car and we were flying. I passed everyone crawling along, safe in the slow lane.

Even after my accident, it was raining that night, I now recall, I didn’t lose my nerve. Oh sure, for a while I slowed down a little bit. Who wouldn’t? I went back and double-checked. Had things been a little different, probably I would have gone over the edge. Never could figure out how far I would have dropped. That was when I decided it wasn’t my destiny to die in a car. Seems like dying early can be the easy way out for some. I don’t think I’ll ever have things easy.

I like to drive fast. I like being in my car. I don’t mind gridlock so much, though I prefer to speed because then I can also listen to the stereo really loud. I don’t so much like to listen to loud music when I’m sitting still. Sitting still is for NPR. I’m not actually a big fan of NPR, but they do help to keep me informed. That’s always useful.

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